Home Sick Home

After the regular fever-chills-chest cold-oh-god-I'm-dying flu, I was hit by a stomach bug. But I'm coming around. This morning I cleaned out the fridge, which had leftovers from when Jorge was here, and finally got every single dish washed and put away. I even made my bed. And did a couple loads of laundry. And though the house looks a lot better, except for the coffee table (but we won't worry about that just now) and my health has improved, I'm still feeling down.

Maybe it's the weather. It's been rainy and foggy and gloomy ever since Jorge and Elle left. Maybe it's the fact that half my family is on the other side of the planet. Maybe it's because instead of our regular endless green view I'm now staring at a totally denuded, red clay hillside after neighbors cleared their property for grazing. Maybe it's because I'd been sick for over a week straight and when I finally felt strong enough to drive 24 km to the grocery store because I was craving grapefruit juice, there wasn't any. Not at any of the stores I stopped at. And maybe it's because I know that if I was back home I could be at Publix in about 30 seconds, choose from multiple brands of grapefruit juice including my favorite Orchid Island brand, and even have someone else carry it all out to the car for me. Maybe it's because my best buddy in the Southern Hemisphere has announced her intention to pack up and go home to New Zealand. Maybe it's the ever-present mildewy mold smell of this place. Maybe it's having the slim chance of selling our Florida houses reduced to zero when we had to remove them from the market in order to renew our homeowner's policy. Bastards. And of course the fact that now we can't even pretend to look at properties here. Maybe it's the looming deadline of our lease being up in December necessitating the renewed search for another rental...

Whatever it is, I just want to go home. Home is where the heart is, and it ain't here.


Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?

--Dorothy Gale